March 1, 2017
This has been a powerfully transcendent time and experience for me.
In the last six months I knew simply that I had to change my ego's demands and my fear's choices!
I want to share what changed within me.
I let go of my mind, let go of trying to understand and allowed myself to breathe into the "I AM".
In the past, I have done every type of meditation; "Tonglen", Vipassana, Yoga, etc. and as of yet, nothing stopped the chatter of my ego long enough for me to let go of my addictive habits and to allow me to manifest change.
What I have accepted in this moment that was different is that the "I AM" has nothing to do with what I am experiencing in life.
"BEING" for me had become obscured with the circumstances, the manifestations and the events of my life. I had to stop to realize: I am not my LOSS -- and witnessing the experience, I was able to see: I am not the victim of my circumstance, only the victim of my beliefs!
I have the power to choose otherwise.
Recently, I have been sitting in the space between the breath... I breathe in... and hold in G‑d....
and then... I breathe out and I release in G‑d.
I am approaching something new. I am bypassing the mind, sitting in the spaciousness of being present without any expectations and without any thoughts. THIS IS NEW. In this moment... I am present... I am LIFE.
I am alive in a state of 'Inner stillness'. (I WISH THIS SENSE OF SPACIOUSNESS COULD LAST LONGER)
Emmanuel once said to me: did I realize that he did not have a body, and that the consequences of this circumstance was that he did not have an ego, and therefore no demand, expectation and/or requirement that I received what he had to offer.
What a gift and what a spiritual practice this has become: to have no requirement, no demand, or expectation from those I enter into relationship. This is true intimacy. No transference, no projection. Allow yourself to imagine for a moment the freedom this offers.
So dear friend, this actually brings me to the essence of this Love Letter.
I remember when I was told that Eva Pierrakos had died. At that time, John Pierrakos was my therapist and I was studying Core Energetics. I also was a full time graduate student at New York University.
My Helper invited me to Phoenicia for the celebration for Eva's transiting. As we walked in the snow towards the sanctuary I never "FELT" so much in my life. I decided to study the Pathwork Program.
This is what the Guide's gift to me has been:
The concept: that no matter what I felt... owning those feelings, accepting those feelings aligned me with my integrity and I was sourced by G‑d.
The Poet Shelley wrote: "What are all these kissings worth if you kiss not me?"
Join me in this thought: "What is anything worth if I do not love myself?"
How can I help anyone feel safe, if I do not feel safe?
How can I ask you to trust me, if I do not trust me?
How can I give to you what I have not given myself?
I knew that I must go through the pain, and embrace all of my feelings.
This was the path to G‑d. This is the journey home.
No matter how many teachers I studied with, no matter what tools I have in my tool box,
The only questions I ask you:
Do I offer you a faithful mirror?
And what do you see?
I suggest that you take the time and stand in front of a mirror... asking yourself the above questions.
I learned to ask these questions from my experience with the Guide and Emmanuel;
Am I a faithful mirror?
Can I hold you safely and gently?
Do you accept your Humanness?
Do I accept my own?
Am I compassionate?
The question to be learned, as a parent, as a teacher, as a Helper, as a lover and as a friend:
Am I sourced from love?
Am I willing to remember: I am an angel living
a very human life.
Shakespeare said it also in Hamlet:
"To thine own self be true, and it shall follow like the night the day thou cannot be false to any man."
Knowing who I am... accepting who I AM, and remembering that I have chosen this incarnation to bring the light first to myself and then to others is the only purpose I have and it does not matter WHO I call myself.
I offer you this poem (I do not know who wrote it... but I carry it in my heart.):
"I have known you all my life,
And I have called you different names.
I have called you mother, father, child.
I have called you lover.
I have called you sun and flowers,
I have called you my heart...
But I never, until this moment, called you Myself."
Thank you Eva, and my gratitude...
your light has been my beacon...
I offer you this prayer:
Please help me to stop, and to breathe and to go slowly
into each moment, not out of habit, but from my willingness
to see with new eyes and hear with new ears and to choose
to act from love.
Only with this commitment can I be in this present moment, and will I achieve peace.
Please listen to the song: