Metaphorically, I am either having a break down, a melt down, or the doors of perception are being blown open. I will not attempt to try to explain my feeling. what is happening is that I may just start to laugh with great abandon.  Remember in My Fair Lady when Eliza starts to sing:  "I've got it... I really got it."?

Well by G-d I think I have it....please bear with me, because I am hugging myself with glee and also trying to be coherent.

This month nothing appeared to work for me, whether it was AT&T,  Amazon, and especially my computer.  I was in Technical Hell.

 I completed a beautiful "Love Letter" a week before its due date.  I  was so delighted.  Then... I discarded it.  I do not know how. 

 I chose to  relax and breathe, and wrote another one.  I was so proud of myself for my calmness etc.  I was choosing "this" instead of@%$%^.   I was in charge and I was choosing peace. I was really pleased with this letter....it just flowed, and so was I.

Are you willing to guess what happened?  I deleted that one also.

The result:  I flew into a self- deprecating rage.  I was so frustrated. The theme of my self abuse was:
              What is the problem with you?  What is wrong with you?

The very fact that I believe that there is something wrong with me is the problem.  My problem is as simple as that. This is  what I experienced as I looked at "What is my Problem?"

I had a vision:  I was in the woods.  I was an archer. I was also "Me" tied to a tree.  Me as the archer was shooting the poison arrows of self hatred at Me  the victim....they were the arrows of my own self contempt.

I decided to make a  definitive list to answer:  What is wrong with you?

 I was very deliberate.  I read my list and I saw how unaccepting and unloving I was of  myself.  

I suggest that you take the time to do this. Be honest with yourself.  It is merciful to accept all of who you are without  the voice of the ego.

What I found after writing the list is:

 The only thing that is wrong with me is that I judge these things to be wrong with me and that is my problem. This is the bottom line.  The recreation of childhood hurts keep happening again and again because I/we have not solved THE PROBLEM. I would continue to delete the "love Letter" until I solved the problem of my negative thinking.This was an AHA! experience.

What finally happened is I stopped and asked myself the question: What would manifest differently if I had a different thought?`.

What thought would create a different experience?

I tuned in and I heard.....Would you be willing to choose your trust in G-d, rather than your belief in Fear?

I heard the voice say that "fear is the antithesis of love., and that fear insists on your believing that you are inadequate. I know this with my mind.....I also know  that my mind is creating my experience.  That is the problem, and I have just begun to see the depth of this problematic thinking. 

I breathe in very deeply...... I ask to feel in every cell in my body the sense of my G-dness, and the spaciousness of love.

I breathe out very deeply....I ask to release the stress and the forcing current of the ego's teachings. 

DO THIS FOR ABOUT TEN TIMES....IN ESSENCE: BREATHING IN LOVE,  BREATHING OUT EGO.

Let us do this together.....as we breathe together and  open our hearts to ourselves we will enter into the deliciousness of knowing who we are, and then we will breathe this love out into the world.

 A Course in Miracles says:

 " A problem cannot be solved if you do not know what the problem is."

    Will you enter through this open door with me?

There is only one problem and that is that we believe that we are not of G-d: that we are separated from him. As long as we maintain this belief we are in darkness....and our belief  (ego's intention) is that there is indeed something wrong with us.  It is the addiction to fears belief that keeps us separated from our own truth, the truth of others and from experiencing the peace of

G-D. The only way we can solve the problem is in the choosing to remember the Oneness and that we are one with all.

With deep respect for this journey and your commitment,

Barbara

I welcome your written responses.

Please share my Love Letters with your friends

All of the love letters are on my web site.

I am available for sessions, retreats, lectures

and hugs.

"One day you will send a dozen roses to the person whom you thought caused you such pain, and in reality who helped you to remember who you are."  - Emmanuel