October, 2013 

Dear One, 

This month I have been having an on-going debate with myself.  Can we really change?  What is the optimum environment for change?  Does understanding conceptually lead to change?  Or is change a matter of discipline, an act of will, a commitment to a thought that is ever pervasive in one's soul?  Is change dependent upon an individual's intention to surrender his belief's to something far more nebulous, or dependable than the mind can possibly understand? What would be required?

WE HAVE ALL THESE TEACHINGS and conceptual knowledge AND TEACHERS to emulate AND YET ...AND YET...?????

My experience has been, and those of you who have been following my "LOVE LETTERS"  know that my human journey has been a journey of forgetting and remembering.
It is that "forgetting" that I am questioning today.  Is it that I am addicted to the pain, and to the belief that I can only learn through the pain?  Life is so good when I am grounded in my self loving.
And when I forget "what self loving means," I accept that the darkness is real.

 I offer you this opportunity to explore this question with me:  "When do you opt for the loving of self?  When do you choose the self negation? When this month have you CHOSEN to dive into your fear, your shame, and self denial rather than breathe, stop and make the commitment  to choose to embrace what is coming up in the moment?
Emmanuel would say: "Self castigation is not Holy work."
Take the time to write down and explore an experience of "forgetting."  What were the thoughts that created this forgetting? List your resentments, list who you blame, and know who you are angry at.  Be with this and explore it.
I love this quote by Marianne Williamson: 
"If you are judging a brother, you're wrong even if you are right."

Why do we choose not to embrace ourselves? 
It is a knee-jerk reaction that we have to bring to consciousness. We have to begin exploring  this behavior as an addiction.  All habitual responses are based on a need to have our WILL/WISH fulfilled. These responses are based on a requirement, a demand, an expectation, and a frustrated wish of our immature, unconscious self.
" I must have my way...and if I do not get what I want I take it very personally and then I do to myself what I accuse you of doing to me:  reject and abandoned myself.
I cherish this quote from Stewart Emory:
"Instant gratification supports our belief in our fundamental unworthiness." 

We  then enter into the vicious circle, into the forgetting and into the darkness.

Every time I fall into the forgetting, and start picking up "my drug of choice" of judging, criticizing, denying, blaming, (myself or other) hopelessness and  impotency...I have abandoned myself and have forgotten that I am the source of all I experience. 
 In this moment, I have forgotten to choose Self Love, but even sadder...I have chosen to believe that I am not loving or lovable.
 I am as loving as my willingness to be patient, to have faith, and to be present in the moment with all of my feelings.

As a meditation I offer you this poem by Rumi:

The Guest House
"This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, 
meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond."

This is what it is to be human.  This is the only way we can change ... by accepting every feeling, embracing it and letting it pierce our heart, so that we can open, and stand in our undefended loving. We have entered into this body to bring the light...we are the luminosity.

let us sit in silence ... breathing in the love that surrounds us,
breathing out the insanity that insists we are not lovable,
and when you are calm please say these words:

Dear G-d,
I turn my will and my defended self over to you so that I may receive your blessings,
Help me to release all my fearful thoughts,
and open my defended heart.
Help me to let go of my images, and my thoughts and reactions created by fear.
Help me to let go of my addicted self, so that I may be spontaneous, joyful and live in my faith.
Help me to open my heart so that all may be revealed to me,
Help me to listen, and to allow me and the other to be all we are. 
Help me to change.
Help me to choose love while I live in this "Guest House of being human."

I send everyone my deepest gratitude, and my blessings for walking this path so courageously with me.


If you wish to have a dialogue or ask any questions please write or call.
I am now offering individual intensives and group retreats with a curriculum based on
"Beyond Words: Inspiring G-d." 
Please see my web site for details: http://revbarbaraazzara.com/