May, 2016

Dear One,

It is May...and it is the year 2016.
I was born 83 years ago and I am sitting here in amazment and gratitude.
What a life...THIS LIFE.  What an adventure and
what a memoir I could write except that I am too busy living this life.
 As I look back over the years, exploring the experiences and the relationships I have had,  I am filled with gratitude.

Going through these life challenges were not easy, and most times they were very painful.
Looking backwards into my history, I see now how each  experience molded me into who I am today.
Each challenge opened my heart to an entirely new feeling system and awareness.
I realized that if I changed my thinking, I could change my experience.
This took practice and devotion. I considered it my spiritual Olympics.
My mind became a servant of my heart.

I have had the experience of loving and being loved by many many people.
These amazing people have been my teachers as they agreed to share my soul's journey.
I had loving grandparents, parents, a brother, aunts and uncles and cousins.
I have been married three times. Each partner taught me intheir own way
  "What love is" and how to create intimacy in a realtionship.
I experienced what love is and what it is not through the disappointments.
I learned that no one is responsible for my feelings and that no one can give me what
 I have not given yo myself myself.

 I have the fortune of mothering three unbelievably wonderous adults, their
partners and two grandchildren.
I have lived through  the horrendous pain and sorrow of  the loss of loved ones.
In each "circumstance" I went through  the veil of illusion to stand in the "Truth"
of who I am.
I have learned  not only gratitude from these experiences, but found  that going through
the pain, the false believes and the addictive behavior of my wounded child...I have found  and accepted myself..
with all my defects as a very human being... "being imperfectly perfect."
We all need to accept that we are indeed angels AND we are living a very human life.

In this moment of now I can say that the greatest pain was  the pain of my own self denial.
 I realize that was what my life's journey was all about...  simply to fall in love
with myself and to accept and embrace all of me.  I have learned to to accept life:

                                    " It is what it is."

I am almost 83 and I love this adventure called life.
I thank each of you who are reading this "Love Letter for sharing my life with me."
 Each of you, in your own way, have had a powerful impact on me.
I thank you for your patience, your faith and for your accepting and receiving me.
This has been the gift of this life....and  this  is what I am celebrating... what Leonard Cohen
calls in his song: "DanceMe To The End Of Love."

I offer you this prayer.
Please take a moment to quiet yourself, and  to become aware
of your breathing.

Dear G-d,
I have had the experience of knowing what love is
and I thank you for this.
In these years, I know that I have been seen and held by you
and by all the precious soul's that walk with me.
I now know I can share all of myself with those who walk this life with me.
Today I ask you to support me in accepting and being all that  "I AM."
Please help me to continue to go to the  roots of my fear.
and G-d help me to see
                          G-d' in everyone and everything.

In gratitude, and with blessings for This Life.

Please listen to the song:
Portia Nelson
Portia Nelson - This Life
-- Barbara