As I write and prepare this letter...I will have celebrated my 83rd birthday, and my daughter Meridith's 60th birthday.
I take this moment to turn my head to the past. I remember so many occasions as if
they were yesterday. From this point of view my life has been a
kaliedosope of joy.
Living life in the moment has allowed me to participate fully in each
experience. When fear about the future engulfs my being, I
am lost and contracted by worry and "what ifs" and habit takes over my behavior.
Discipline and devotion has been my spiritual practice. It has taught me the
benefits of not listening to the whispers of fear.
I am curious as I
take love's hand. "What choices will love
offer? Where am I going? Do I have the faith to love? Do I
My life continues to be an adventure and the journey is leading to an open heart and coming Home to my core self.
I hold this quote from Rumi very close to me:
"What hurts you blesses you---darkness is your candle."
There will be signposts. New doorways that are not yet open will
lead me home. I welcome these expereinces, and pray for
When I first entered therapy almost 40 years ago, I ask Dr. Kahn what
love was? He said:
"Love is something that you seed in rich soil and you place in the sun, you water it and it blossoms. You nurture love."
I remember not liking this definition...I would be doing all the work.
"Where was the mutuality, the acknowledgment and what about me" were my questions?
Two years later I met and started my work with John Pierakos. I asked him the same question: "What is love?
John said: "Love is a pot bellied stove that when you put the logs in it justs emenates warmth".
I totally did not understand why there was no reciprocity, and why it
was just up to me to be the "lover."
I see now that I have always
had a distortion about the meaning of love: Love meant submission,
it meant self-sacrifice, it meant saying YES! when I want to say NO! and even to say NO! when I want to say YES!.
Now many years and experiences later, I am begining to
conscious love is. Do you know the difference between the
language of love you were taught as a child and what LOVE is?
Would you take the time to enter into this
discussion with me?
What do you think are the principles of love?
What are your images? What are your distorted issues? Take
some time, meditate and the write them down. What is conscious
love...what does loving with an open heart mean?
Since our lives provide the classroom and the challenges so that we can remember
who we are...my life, and my relationship with my dear husband
has provided me with this oppportunity. I have been learning so
much, and although my heart is breaking, I indeed have been
living what love truly is. To give the needs of another the same
priority as my own.... Hm! That demands really becoming the pot
"Pure love of another person is the restoration of our heartline." Can I do this?
There is something about "loving another" that must go beyond the
beyond the self. There is truly a oneness in this pure
loving. It is not about "falling in love" it is about
"rising in love." It is about loving without a demand or the
requirement that one receives what one was not given as a wounded child.
It is loving with an open heart. This is the choice that allows us to be free.
This "loving" requires trust in oneself, the courage
and faith to remember that we are an instrument of love.
I would like to share these lines from a poem by David Whyte :
".....The True Love
"There is a faith in loving fiercely
the one who is rightfully yours...
especially if you have waited years
and especially if part of you never believed
you could deserve this loved and beckoning hand
held out to you this way. ......."
Help me to have the faith to love.
Help me to remember who I am,
and that I am safe, and so is everyone I meet..
Give me the faith to rise above my doubts and fear
so that I maybe a conduit for love.
This letter is for you Adriano, and all of you who
want to know what love is.
Grace is my daily bread.