Adriano and Barbara
August 2016

Dear One,

Have you ever felt that no matter what the "outer events"  of your life were...that all was well?
I remember when I was a young mother, and my daughter was going through "teething" the pediatrician said:  "Mother, this too will pass".
And it did.

Now weeks after the passing of my Dear Adriano, I hear this same message: "This  grief... this sorrow too shall pass".
There is a divine order in the universe.  While I have been feeling my sadness and sorrow, I know that these feelings too shall pass.  I have the deepest faith that no matter how rough and dark my nights can be, morning and the light will come.

Somewhere in all of this loss I see the light.  Death is part of is not the ending.
Death is part of a benign circle. All suffering comes from an attachment to the belief in the illusion that we are separate, from ourselves, from one and other, and from G‑d.  All fear comes from the fear of loss.  We spend our lives trying to avoid the pain of loss. Choosing to believe that to love will eventually end in loss, we live our lives in "quiet desperation"  (Thoreau) rather than to be filled with the joy of loving.

I sit in the quiet realizing that the love that I shared with my partner can never be lost.  I am finally ingesting, marinating, accepting that our lives are more than our physical bodies, and our eternal consciousness lives on forever.

What I shared with Adriano is a love that had no boundaries, and will be with me forever.  To have this deep faith is what has allowed me to love so openly.  Death is a part of life. This faith is what has sustained me as has the love and support of those I walk with.

How do we stop becoming human doings and become human beings?  I asked this questions of one of my students:

"Now that she has all the information, all the concepts...what beliefs does she have to let go of and what does she have to die into in order to know love?"

This is her answer:
Dear Barbara,
Through our work, I came to realize how deep my false need was to be liked, adored, desired, envied, and to be popular.  I didn't realize, consciously, what a heavy price I was exacting to receive this false need.

Little by little it happens choice by choice to betray myself to get love from someone else. (or what I perceived as love)
I became completely untrustworthy. And I asked myself the same question: Now that I know, what am I going to do? How do I gain my own trust? My own respect?

I heard a voice within me say: "Little by little. Moment by moment, make choices of self loving."

For me, this means to be honest about my  real needs and honor them. Make choices that are self respectful. Believe in my worthiness.
And with every conscious choice, I become more trustworthy.
Little by little "breath by breath".....moment by moment.
Now that I know this, I can begin to make different choices.
The opportunities come up every second.

I let die: My false need: I need you to love and accept me.
I birth:   My real need: I need to love and accept myself.

I let die: My false need: I need you to respect me.
I birth:   My real need: I need to respect myself.

I let die: My false need: I need to know what will happen to me and those I love.
I birth:   My real need: I need to have faith that no matter what happens to me or anyone else, we are all safe...And held in God's Grace and that love is eternal.

There are moments, almost suspended, slowed down....intervals:
I am changing. I am making different choices. I am breaking free from hold habits and cultivating new healthy ones. Those suspended moments, I feel fear very near, baiting me to turn back, to not jump, to not change. Once I have made the choice, I do not feel it at all.
I breathe into: "Fear and Love cannot occupy the same space". That is the teaching. 

I also choose to  live by the faith that I  am surrounded by love...and G‑d's grace.  I breathe into the knowing that I have misinterpreted the meaning of death and exhale the remaining fear from my body.

"Shrinking away from death is something unhealthy and abnormal which robs the second half of life of its purpose." -- Carl Jung.

I have entered into the second phase of my life and with Adriano's going HOME my experiences this month  have allowed me to walk through the portal of my misconceptions about dying.
I thank Adriano for this awakening and loving experience. Our love has been embraced by the light and so have I.

Dear G‑d,
May Adriano rest in your arms forever.
and may he be at peace.
May I rest in your arms forever,
and may I be at peace forever.
May we all rest in your arms forever,
and may we all be at peace forever.

Please Listen To The Song:

Carly Simon - Love is Eternal