April 2017

Dear One,

I am sitting here with my open heart. I am in a state of grace.
I have chosen to take all of my life's conflicts and have turned them, or they have turned me, into a grateful and compassionate being.
Adriano "left his body" ten months ago. I went through every feeling and emotion. I did not miss one lesson that a loss of a partner and "being alone" provides.
At the beginning, without my partner, I fell into my emotional reaction.
I was incompetent. I had (in my life) never prepared the taxes, and I never took care of insurance policies, etc. How was I going to do it now?
My opposite defense of feeling alone and helpless is to become "Mighty Woman... I can do it and I will never let anyone feel sorry for me." I will not ask for help.

Before I realized what had happened, or how it happened...
I had a DREAM TEAM and they came and opened up the door of my heart.
I had indeed surrendered my will to G-d's will.
I had only known four of my DREAM TEAM before Adriano transited this earth plane.


My lilacs are blooming because one of the DREAM TEAM groomed the lilac tree.
I can get up and down my stairs and into the bath tub because another installed banisters on the steps and grip bars in the tub.
They have taken me to the doctors.
They have invited me to sleep in their home when I had surgery.
They have bought me salmon fillets and home made delicious soup.
They have brought me my mail and put out my garbage bins.
They have massaged me and held me lightly and allowed me to cry.
They shared with me their own pain.
They have made me laugh.
And the biggest gift:
They are teaching me to receive.

For now, I will stay in Penn Valley. I miss my family. They too have compassionately supported me, and yet in this present moment, I am not ready to give up the house that "Adriano built."
I have been paying attention, non-judgmentally. I am not attached to the past or the future and this discipline allows me to be free to live in the moment.

Eating breakfast this morning, I was looking out the window and marveling at the exquisite view when I felt the presence of Adriano, my former late husbands, Shelly and Bill, Pat Rodegast and my parents at my table. Their energy turned into a circle of golden penetrating light embracing me, encircling me. I felt the pure freedom of aligning myself with the source of who I am. It has never been clearer: I can live freely, or I can create my own prison. I create my own prison by blaming the situation, the person, or the circumstance outside of me. I have learned (and experienced in these months) that if I take the time to examine the circumstance and then take the time to examine the thought that creates the circumstance, I automatically can walk through another portal into freedom.

I sat at my table and slowly looked into the eyes of each of my guests.
I realized that my parents, my husbands and Pat had agreed while in spirit to be with me in this lifetime and to guide me in rekindling my inner light.
How grateful, how accepting and how loving I felt.
I felt this incredible feeling of connection of oneness flowing through me.
In this moment the veil of illusion was gone and I felt the reality of my life.

Please do this exercise and ask your Guides for help as you explore the answer to your problem:
Who would you invite to your table?
What was the challenge each person/problem seated at your table presented to you?
Will you accept your part and their part in creating your wounding?
This is the moment of "RESURRECTION" and being reborn into your own light.
Now is the time for you to remember who you are.
Now is the time to wake up and walk into the promised land.

"Wisdom tells me I am nothing.
Love tells me I am everything.
Between the two, my life flows."
~ N.Maharaji

I love you, and am grateful for your presence in my life.

Wishing You A Conscious Easter & Passover,


Life is what we embrace it to be.
That is what we are here to remember.
I have chosen this body, this physical life to
learn about fear,
and transform it into love.
The sooner we claim our bodies as vessels for G-d
we leave the illusion of separation.

-- Barbara Azzara