In a few days I will be 84 years old.
As I write this I am present in the now, and I am also grateful for all of my yesterdays. I can remember my sweet sixteen party, and I am grateful that I am still in contact with many of those friends who attended. We have grown together into what we laughingly call the "Golden Age." The best part of growing older is sharing "life" with those who join you in this adventure of growing "wiser" with a sense of humor.
"....The first step to the knowledge of the wonder and mystery of life is the recognition of the monstrous nature of the earthly human realm, as well as its glory, that the realization that this is how it is and that it will not and cannot be changed."
~~ Joseph Campbell
It has taken me 84 years, learning with wonderful students and teachers, to accept "what is." I have experienced such joy in my life through my husbands, my children and my family of friends and students. I have experienced the pain of loss, including the pain of my self-denial. It has taken me years in this process of stopping, breathing and choosing love consciously. I have given up my self-chastisement, my blame and my guilt. I have taken responsibility for my rage and fear.
As Emmanuel teaches:
"self-chastisement is not Holy work."
I rest in the the embrace of this teaching... we are all angels living a very human life. What we have chosen is to honor our humanness and that means we must learn how to accept and to live in the "sorrowful joy and the joyful sorrow." We must bring our light to what we believe is our darkness.
Today, I am sitting in this experience... knowing that I can, most of the time, accept my life as it is.
On one rainy day, the sky was very dark, and I realized that the sun is always in the sky, no matter how cloudy the sky is.
In that moment, I accepted that my G-d self is always present (like the sun) and sometimes it is obscured by my darkness.
I say this quote by the Buddha and it helps me to remember:"As a mountain is unshaken by the wind,
So the heart of a wise person is unshaken
by all the changes on this earth"
What I have learned is that by accepting the sorrow and the joy (and that life is change), what happens in the moment may be very painful, but in time I can see the importance of the experience, if I am willing to learn and am committed to keeping my heart open and wise. In my moment of emotional reaction,
I ask myself these questions:
Is what I am experiencing real?Where is my self-love?
I offer you this Buddhist Meditation:
"Breathing in, I calm my body,
Breathing out, I calm my mind,
May I be balanced, May I be at peace.
May I learn to see the arising and passing of all
things with equanimity and balance.
May I be open and peaceful."
I was told through the years, many of the above teachings by different people. It is one thing to think you know... it is another to devote yourself to the practice of committing yourself to integrating the experience.
To be able to love another you must fall in love with yourself first, and this is the most rewarding experience because your heart is open, and you realize:
The past is over, and there is no longer any need to blame or to be the victim of your history. There is no longer any reason to recreate the conflict. The issue is that you have forgotten who you are.
Making the choice to be in the present moment and let go of your history, allows you to stand in the light of remembering...
...and you are free.
Please, wake up! It is time to celebrate your birth. It is time to celebrate the Divine within.
My wish for me on this birthday is that I can serve love with an open heart. I invite you to join me.
Please listen to the song: