June 16, 2017
It is a year since Adriano went home. For me it has been a year of great surrender, a year of great receiving, and a year of finally entering into a full experience of "What love is."
I do not know who said this, but I resonate with this quote:
"I place the future in the Hands of G-d.
I rest in G-d.
I just work here....
I always have what I need.
He always takes care of me."
What I have experienced this year is that when the pain was greatest I found myself on my "knees" praying to surrender "my will" to G-d's.
I entered deeply into what we call "loss" and realized two amazing truths:
When Adriano died and left his body, I struggled with the loss of his physical being, and experienced that though the material part of him had departed, his Spirit was very present.
In the marriage vows it says, "Until death do us part."
This is not true.
St. Francis: "It is in dying that we are born into eternal life." There is never this separation...death is not an ending but an opening beyond the veil of illusion.
Adriano is in every beat of my heart and in every breath I take...for he is me.
The next truth was the opening into a greater knowing of what love is.
Loving is living fully in each moment, and therefore can not be a container for fear. All fear is the fear of loss. This fear demands that we close our hearts, therefore unconditional love cannot manifest because of our fear.
We must die into this fear... instead we attempt to control and to defend against the possibility of loss.
Our ego demands that we do not give up control and the fear becomes stronger and stronger.
When we live our life in fear -- the life force becomes weaker and we begin to die to life/Love.
We do not die from a broken heart, or from a heart attack or from disease...
We die because we were born. This is a given and yet fear, our ego insists that we defend against the reality of death.
When we keep our hearts closed we are closed to joy and happiness, and this fear of loss keeps us alone and separated.
What I experienced this year is: I did not die and as I entered into the pain, I felt all of my feelings.
It was like a rainbow... the anger, the vulnerability, the need, and finally when I consciously became aware of my breath ...I have never felt more alive.
I offer you this prayer which has sustained me.
Help me to remember that I have chosen this life to fully open my heart to myself and to life.
Help me to heal my false beliefs about life, about death and about loss.
Help me to see that life is eternal, and that love is forever.
May my heart be opened to the "highest truth."
and help me to remember that I am a "vessel for your love."
Please listen to the song:
Whitney Houston - One Moment in Time (with lyrics)