November 2017

Dear One,
I am sitting here almost paralyzed by the thoughts that are in my brain like fleas.
This has been a unique and powerful time for me.
Early on a Monday morning, October ninth, I was awakened by a flashlight and a voice saying: "Wake up, Barbara".
From the part of me that was deeply asleep, I thought it was G-d calling me Home.

We were being evacuated because of fire.

I was told to take only what I needed.
What did I need?
In the midst of the Chaos what was important to me?
I grabbed my passport, my credit cards, cash... my will, (both spiritual and legal) and Adriano's wedding band.
I did not take my medicine, my cell phone, my laptop... a toothbrush or underwear. 
What did I indeed need?
What would you take?  (take a moment to think about this.)

I let go of the "what ifs" and moved out of my physical home into my heart and faith.
We drove down to Folsom to be with very caring friends.
I stayed present and grateful.

When I returned home, I realized that although I had been evacuated from my physical home, I had not been separated from my heart and faith.
I was grateful. Gratitude is a very important attitude for being present in the moment and for healing.
When I returned home I realized I had to take the time to put my important papers together "in case... what if."
I found the data of Adriano's retired computer. Within it were the letters he and I wrote to each other as we created our relationship.
As I read them, I thought that these were the gift... a gift of our love that manifested and reappeared as a result of the evacuation.
I have been reading them, and my heart is opening to him even more, although he is not here physically.
I have learned that the phrase "Until death do us part" is ultimately untrue and what is true is that "Love is stronger than death."


I found this letter that I wrote to Adriano when I was having oral surgery (August 2002). We had not yet met in person.

       "After the anesthesia was given, I heard the dentist say: "Open just a little bit wider."  As I did, I felt the needle puncture the soft tissue of my gum. I heard him say: "open just a little bit wider, just a little bit more."
        I thought it was G-d saying this as he entered the closed hardness of my heart. And I opened, dear Adriano, and let you in."

My life has been about opening to the reality of what love is. It is about having the faith to live without fear.
My constant reminder from Emmanuel: "Love and Fear cannot exist in the same moment,"  has been my focus and my commitment.

"Love is the Funeral Pyre"
~~ Hafiz
Love is the funeral pyre where I have laid my living body.
All the false notions of myself that once caused pain and fear have turned to ash as I turned to G-d.
What has risen from the tangled web and sinew now shines with jubilation through the eyes of Angels and screams from the guts of infinite existence itself....
Love is the funeral pyre where the heart must lay its body."

As we enter into this holiday of Thanksgiving, I suggest that you take the time to do a written review.
List what in the past has broken your heart... and then see with great gratitude how these circumstances eventually opened your heart.
This is the miracle of a life committed to loving.
As you gather together for this holiday... take note of the miracles in your life.

With Thanksgiving,