We are entering another New Year. I came upon my diary from 1948. Reading it, I see that there are some things that have not changed. Over the 70 years later I still want to organize my papers and closet, lose weight and stop biting my nails. What is different for me today is that now I am committed and devoted to remembering who I am in G·d and that my life's "divine intention" is to be filled with gladness and joy.
I reread my Love Letter of January 2017 and saw that it also is filled with the same message. I had almost decided to not write any new Love Letters when a friend and dedicated student and I had a conversation with spoke to me. Dr. H.F. told me that it takes time to integrate the material, and that we need to hear it, to read it again and again and practice it with loving patience 'again and again'. It is our life's lesson. I am still thinking about this sharing with gratitude. I suffer from instant gratification and impatience.
It takes a lifetime to to become fully present with what is. It takes a lifetime to accept and forgive our woundings and those who have wounded us, and to finally let go of our history. It takes a life time to take responsibility for our self- limiting thoughts. (ego's intent is to keep us in the illusion and in the belief of separation.)
"G·d is within me and around me. I am blessed and protected in all I do. Every moment (and each new challenge) carries a gift for me. May I receive it and pass it on."
This has been my journey and my lesson...patience. Rilke speaks about the difficulty for one human being to fall in love with another. What I have been experiencing is how difficult it is for a human being to fall in love with him/her self, and to let go of the toxic conditioning of his history.
How to stay present in the moment of NOW? I ask myself and my students: " What am I refusing to feel? Where is my shame? What do I believe I am guilty of? Where do I refuse to accept myself as I am? Where have I abandoned and rejected myself and blame YOU?"
We need to keep diving into our fear, our "no" to love. We must accept all of our selves... we must not judge. We must accept our pain, and free ourselves from our own self denial and rejection. What I blame others for doing to me... "I DO TO MYSELF"I found this quote from Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks:
"For though my faith is not your faith,
and your faith is not mine,
if we are each free to light our own flame
(created by falling in love with yourself),
together we can banish some
of the darkness of the world."
We have to remember that each of us have been created in G·d's image.
R.M. Rilke writes:
"And now let us believe in a long year that is given to us,
new, untouched, full of things that have never been...."
Join me in this prayer:
I surrender to you the wounds upon my heart.
The memories of my wounding
and the emotional reactions and addictive behavior that remains.
Please place Your hand upon me and heal me with your love,
that I may let go of my self blame, shame and feelings of rejection and abandonment.
May I enter into this New Year with the Divine Intention to live my life in joy and abundance.
A Very Blessed New Year,
Barbara Azzara (a.k.a. Glabman-Cohen)
Please listen to 'The Prayer' with Celine Dion & Josh Groban: